


Deus ex Panticis

by TheWhiteLily



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Captivity, Crack, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Humor, Nudity, sweariness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 09:45:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8974699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWhiteLily/pseuds/TheWhiteLily
Summary: Sherlock usually pulls something out at the last minute.  Sometimes, though, it doesn't make John feel all that much better.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For the fan_flashworks "Naked" challenge.

“This is a bloody disaster.”

“Mmm, I wouldn’t call it that.”

“Well, I bloody would!  And do you know what else I would say?  This bloody disaster is _entirely of your making_ for deciding, once again, that today was a _no bloody pants day_!  You’re going to have to start getting dressed for cases, even for your brother’s cases.  You’re giving the criminals bad ideas, and I _like_ wearing pants, Sherlock!”

“You lack imagination.  They brought us in here, now they think we’re at their mercy.  We’ve got them right where we want them.”

“Right where…  Sherlock!  We _are_ at their mercy, you complete bloody pillock.  You’re going to need a lot more than imagination to get us out of these handcuffs—and damnit, _stop_ wiggling your arse cheeks against me like that!  There are bloody _rules_ for behaviour when two unattached blokes end up having to be naked together, and they do _not_ involve one doing a bloody—”

“Here, hold on to this for a second, I need to change my grip.  No, like that.  Right, that’s it, got it.”

“What is tha—oh.  Oh!  Okay.  Great.  That’s fantastic, absolutely brilliant.  Just one question, Sherlock.   _How_ exactly were you able to smuggle in a bloody _lock pick_?”

“No one properly searches a naked man, John.”

“…  That _doesn't_ answer my question, Sherlock!   _Where_ did you--oh, god, who am I kidding, you wouldn’t tell me the truth anyway.  You look for those bloody papers, I’m going to find somewhere to wash my bloody hands.  And find some _bloody pants_!  For _both_ of us!”

**Author's Note:**

> For those whose Latin is not up to the title (which mine is definitely not--and my sources claim their Latin is very rusty, so I'm happy to accept correction from anyone who actually knows): The reference is to _Deus ex Machina_ , the literary device where the solution is pulled out of, um, nowhere at the end. It literally means "god out of the machine", referring to the tradition in ancient Greek and Roman theatre where an actor representing a god was lowered onto the stage using a crane and proceeded to solve otherwise insoluble plot problems. I of course have changed the last word to "Panticis" which sounds like "pants" but actually means (among other things) bowels. Some bastardised implications (and I'm deliberately not using the word translation because now we are letting literality go out of focus for a pun) might be: "god out of pants" or "solution out of the bowels".
> 
> ~~That said, I think John's got the paranoid wrong end of the stick. I reckon it would have been substantially simpler (and much safer) for Sherlock to cheek it. In his mouth, you guys! Come on, you've got such dirty minds. *shakes head*~~


End file.
